An article exploring the benefits and practice of nothing more complex than a good long cuddle with somebody close to you. It's a surprisingly radical, simple and nourishing act.
Adding soothing music in the background really helps me. Gentle ambient music, such some of those Spotify playlists made on purpose for sleep, works really well for me.
Another consideration: co-regulation doesn't always work. It's as if the two (or many) nervous systems are in contact, part of the same space, but the outcome and direction depend on the state and interaction of the nervous systems.
If for example one nervous system is more agitated, the other needs to almost "work more" to relax both.
Being in close contact with an agitated nervous system could make other nervous systems more agitated, unless both are able to relax, then the relaxation happens and perhaps multiply even.
I've found helpful for that adding a pinch of meditative and relaxation practices that encourages acceptance, allowing, grounding, and loving all as is.
I've heard of co-working coffee shops that have nap spaces for individuals, and I think having a space for pop-up contact napping would be wonderful.
I find power-napping (short 15mn nap, perhaps followed by a coffee or some movement practice) super useful during the day to improve productivity and return to my body.
If there was a coffee shop where we could both focus on work and have a space for napping (and perhaps dancing a bit) in Bristol I'd definitely love to try it out.
Yes Val! I hear you and am glad that one day we might co-work and then co-nap and enjoy a day of embodiment that is also productive.
Curious to hear your reflections on co-regulation. I understand that one or the other might need to 'work' but in my experience it doesn't often feel like hard work to regulate somebody who is out of synch with your system.
And there's something about the group experience where most of the group feels calm and relaxed that then leads to a general sense of ease for each person.
But I hear your reflections and appreciate you sharing. Let's investigate how this all works the next time we're together.
Yes, I agree, it's almost as if the system has a total capacity for relaxation, and that system includes many nervous systems, the coziness of the space, the music, all coming together...
An example of when co-regulation doesn't work is when we form negative feedback loops.
Imagine I'm petting a cat, or even just resting with a cat (it works with some animals too).
If the cat is nervous, I may start to feel nervous too. If the cat senses I'm nervous, it may get even more agitated.
My cat-petting experience told me that if instead I'm able to relax in the presence of the cat nervousness, then a positive feedback loop starts. I relax, the cat relax and starts purring, I relax even more.
And for me that "work" needed to relax myself in the presence of an agitated nervous system is often a blend of those practices we learn in Yoga Nidra, including working with the breath, visualisations, body scan, grounding, etc..
But yes, if there are other elements in the system that encourage relaxation (coziness, warmth, sounds..) then it just happens naturally.
Yessss! I love love love sleeping / napping with others, even relative strangers. It's so soothing. I also really appreciate your encouragement to do this for each other instead of turning it into a paid service! Lovely that you can introduce people to it at festivals and other spaces.
Awww, thanks Robin! Yeah, it's sad when these super simple things become something of a paid service. I think pop-up napping spaces could be something of a revolution in our always on world!
Yes! Love this. Once you start co-napping you wonder why you didn’t do it before, right?! It was a revelation for me to discover the simple pleasure of napping with babies, but it has still taken me years to get around to fully appreciating cuddle time with adults. And what happens in the body is fascinating. Bringing awareness to breathing and slowing down is a must, but the last time I fell asleep in a cuddle with someone (a Sunday snooze) I noticed that our breathing had synched while we were asleep. It had been peaceful, but slightly disconnected beforehand and the real magic of co-regulation had naturally happened while we slept. We woke up in a totally altered and blissful state. There is also something particularly potent (for me anyway) about actively and overtly dropping intentions around intimacy in this kind of scenario. It seems to open up a whole new level of sensational receptivity in my body, based on a feeling of safety and trust, and ironically therefore a deeper sense of intimacy. From this place I notice an authentic, embodied impulse to connect further can arise. Love this subject. Re-learning how to be human! Thank you 🙏🏼
Your comments are always SO GOOD!! Thank you. I love this little story of napping with somebody where you noticed that your breathing had synched, and the difference in the relating after the nap.
And then yes, such a good comment on how the dropping of intentions around intimacy opens up a 'whole new level of sensational receptivity in my body' - this is exactly it. And it's such a curious and potent place to be within.
As you say - re-learning how to be a human!
Thanks for your ongoing support and comments. It really means a lot to me.
Love this! Big fan of grounding together through meditation and/or breathwork before. I can see this being wonderfully combined with sound journeys, story telling & co at gatherings as well. Great inspiration Chris!
Nice one Julia, yeah, I love the sound of that. Combining this practice with story telling, sound journeys etc.
Something that we did at Buddhafield was to foster a particular focus on cultivating a sense of belonging, home, security and safety. As we dropped deeply together this sense was strong in the room - curious about the possibilities of this practice; there's something rich about doing this all together.
Wonderful! Yes, I can totally relate.
Sorry I missed it at Buddhafield!
Some random reflections that come to my mind.
Adding soothing music in the background really helps me. Gentle ambient music, such some of those Spotify playlists made on purpose for sleep, works really well for me.
Another consideration: co-regulation doesn't always work. It's as if the two (or many) nervous systems are in contact, part of the same space, but the outcome and direction depend on the state and interaction of the nervous systems.
If for example one nervous system is more agitated, the other needs to almost "work more" to relax both.
Being in close contact with an agitated nervous system could make other nervous systems more agitated, unless both are able to relax, then the relaxation happens and perhaps multiply even.
I've found helpful for that adding a pinch of meditative and relaxation practices that encourages acceptance, allowing, grounding, and loving all as is.
I've heard of co-working coffee shops that have nap spaces for individuals, and I think having a space for pop-up contact napping would be wonderful.
I find power-napping (short 15mn nap, perhaps followed by a coffee or some movement practice) super useful during the day to improve productivity and return to my body.
If there was a coffee shop where we could both focus on work and have a space for napping (and perhaps dancing a bit) in Bristol I'd definitely love to try it out.
Yes Val! I hear you and am glad that one day we might co-work and then co-nap and enjoy a day of embodiment that is also productive.
Curious to hear your reflections on co-regulation. I understand that one or the other might need to 'work' but in my experience it doesn't often feel like hard work to regulate somebody who is out of synch with your system.
And there's something about the group experience where most of the group feels calm and relaxed that then leads to a general sense of ease for each person.
But I hear your reflections and appreciate you sharing. Let's investigate how this all works the next time we're together.
Yes, I agree, it's almost as if the system has a total capacity for relaxation, and that system includes many nervous systems, the coziness of the space, the music, all coming together...
An example of when co-regulation doesn't work is when we form negative feedback loops.
Imagine I'm petting a cat, or even just resting with a cat (it works with some animals too).
If the cat is nervous, I may start to feel nervous too. If the cat senses I'm nervous, it may get even more agitated.
My cat-petting experience told me that if instead I'm able to relax in the presence of the cat nervousness, then a positive feedback loop starts. I relax, the cat relax and starts purring, I relax even more.
And for me that "work" needed to relax myself in the presence of an agitated nervous system is often a blend of those practices we learn in Yoga Nidra, including working with the breath, visualisations, body scan, grounding, etc..
But yes, if there are other elements in the system that encourage relaxation (coziness, warmth, sounds..) then it just happens naturally.
Yessss! I love love love sleeping / napping with others, even relative strangers. It's so soothing. I also really appreciate your encouragement to do this for each other instead of turning it into a paid service! Lovely that you can introduce people to it at festivals and other spaces.
Awww, thanks Robin! Yeah, it's sad when these super simple things become something of a paid service. I think pop-up napping spaces could be something of a revolution in our always on world!
A café with a comfy napping space sounds lush! Only decaf drinks served ;)
Yes! Love this. Once you start co-napping you wonder why you didn’t do it before, right?! It was a revelation for me to discover the simple pleasure of napping with babies, but it has still taken me years to get around to fully appreciating cuddle time with adults. And what happens in the body is fascinating. Bringing awareness to breathing and slowing down is a must, but the last time I fell asleep in a cuddle with someone (a Sunday snooze) I noticed that our breathing had synched while we were asleep. It had been peaceful, but slightly disconnected beforehand and the real magic of co-regulation had naturally happened while we slept. We woke up in a totally altered and blissful state. There is also something particularly potent (for me anyway) about actively and overtly dropping intentions around intimacy in this kind of scenario. It seems to open up a whole new level of sensational receptivity in my body, based on a feeling of safety and trust, and ironically therefore a deeper sense of intimacy. From this place I notice an authentic, embodied impulse to connect further can arise. Love this subject. Re-learning how to be human! Thank you 🙏🏼
Rosie!
Your comments are always SO GOOD!! Thank you. I love this little story of napping with somebody where you noticed that your breathing had synched, and the difference in the relating after the nap.
And then yes, such a good comment on how the dropping of intentions around intimacy opens up a 'whole new level of sensational receptivity in my body' - this is exactly it. And it's such a curious and potent place to be within.
As you say - re-learning how to be a human!
Thanks for your ongoing support and comments. It really means a lot to me.
Love this! Big fan of grounding together through meditation and/or breathwork before. I can see this being wonderfully combined with sound journeys, story telling & co at gatherings as well. Great inspiration Chris!
Nice one Julia, yeah, I love the sound of that. Combining this practice with story telling, sound journeys etc.
Something that we did at Buddhafield was to foster a particular focus on cultivating a sense of belonging, home, security and safety. As we dropped deeply together this sense was strong in the room - curious about the possibilities of this practice; there's something rich about doing this all together.