Contact Napping (part 2); the science and art..

I may be mad, but it seems there is surprising depth to the science and art of a simple cuddle! Also, new format; I'm experimenting with sharing 'announcements' at the bottom - take a look...

My feet are a little cold, the edges caked in mud that has now dried. I stand and observe the group nap in front of me. A collection of mostly strangers are lying cuddling together, eyes closed, breathing deep and slow, some fully asleep, some with soft tears in the corner of their eyes. It’s striking, beautiful, radical and wholesome. 

There is a raw simplicity to this act, as a participant said afterwards:

“It feels radical at the same time as natural and deeply nourishing”.

Before I break up this facilitated cuddle-puddle I invite a few collective deep breaths. The group rises and falls together, there’s a collective sigh on the exhale, bodies as one dropping further into the earth and into the embrace of each other. I can see fingers gently stroking hands, arms embracing small spoons, and faces nuzzled into warm blankets.

Have you ever taken a deep breath with somebody’s head on your belly? Or felt the rise and fall of another’s body as you are moved by their breathing? (the answer is ‘yes’ - almost all of us will have had this experience as a baby with the body of a parent or carer) - but what about as an adult? When was the last time you allowed yourself this simple encounter with another?

It’s incredibly calming and soothing, and in our fractured, disconnected and anxious world a little bit of calm and soothing can only be a good thing.

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post-contact nap after a workshop held in a Berlin park last year

The scene I’m describing is the end of my ‘Contact Napping’ workshop which I offered twice at Buddhafield festival in July 2023. Festivals are wonderful opportunities for facilitators like me to try out new material with a willing group of people. As an intro to Contact Napping I shared a little of the origin (some of which you have in this post) and some of the science.

Cuddling, so it turns out, has many benefits. By the end of this workshop the feeling in the group was that a little cuddle might just be the last most radical, healthy and needed thing we can give ourselves and each other. Here’s what participants said:

“A profoundly healing embodied group meditation”

“Radical and yet completely simple”

“Needed, rejuvenating”

Here’s a little of the science going in order from most regularly acceptable or ‘provable’ towards the more pseudo-science (yet still highly believable):

1. Oxytocin is released

Through the stimulation of our touch receptors in the skin the neurotransmitter oxytocin is released into our system. This helps us to feel happy, relaxed and generates a sense of belonging. Known as the chemical of ‘social-bonding’ it  both helps us feel bonded with those around us and opens us up to making new connections.

2. Nervous systems are regulated and calmed

This is the process whereby our nervous systems come into harmony and synchronicity with those around us. It happens in a variety of ways; small movements in the body, hearing or feeling another’s heart beat, the sense of another’s breathing all help our nervous systems align.

3. Emotional transference

There is a phenomena called emotional contagion (or transference) where emotional fields / feelings are picked up from each other when we are close together. Alongside the physical regulation of our systems our emotional states also come into harmony. If we’re closely embraced or in contact with others who are calm, breathing deeply, emanating peace then somehow we’ll pick that up also.

4. Energetic coherence

Some believe our body’s are surrounded by an electromagnetic field that is most powerfully generated at the heart. When we are close to another we have the sense of being in their ‘field’ and our energetic signatures come into alignment with each other. Again, if close with others exuding calmness there will be a dropping into that ocean of calm yourself.

In short, one might suggest that through a good cuddle our coming into harmony with each other is a biological, chemical, physical, emotional and energetic phenomena. Such is the fascinating ‘science’ behind the most simplest of all human activities; the humble cuddle.

In holding a workshop like this my curiosity lies in a few areas…

• the immediate embodied physical experience of doing things like this; what’s it actually like if I can just stop for a moment and place 100% of my attention on this embodied feeling of being in the midst of a cuddle puddle? That’s curious in itself, and doing so helps us to generate somatic intelligence and bodily awareness that helps us decide what we’re available for and open to in other areas of our lives.

• how these acts of embodiment can offer us pathways to emotional healing and psychological development - in learning to express our boundaries, leaning into the vulnerability of a group cuddle, and dropping into the experience of being held, we can find pathways to wholeness and healing that then impact the rest of our lives outside of this experience. It’s like having a bath in a field of belonging-ness.

• the ongoing and lasting effect of this kind of somatically informed healing experience in our lives - cuddling becomes more available because you learn how to do it safely, boundaries are easier to express in all aspects of life, a felt sense of belonging or social security remains within the body and is easier to call upon because you had this deeply felt experience of belonging in a group. The benefits are easily transferred onto other dimensions of our lives.

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If I can blow my own trumpet a little here, what I feel made this experience profound was that on top of all this magical science - aligning our systems and helping us drop into a nourishing and rejuvenating space - was that I was guiding the group to come into a collective state of deeply felt belonging.

To do this I used guided meditation, sound, and poetry.

I shared stories, poems, used my koshi bell and offered gentle invitations to help foster an interpersonally felt state of belonging, home, and security. This state was ‘somatically informed’ which means that we attended to the physical experience of belonging. This state wasn’t something that remained as an abstract idea or interesting notion, but became a deeply felt, immanent and immediate part of our experience.

Once everybody is comfortable and willing to let go into the group experience, there is the possibility of healing to occur as we bathe in waves of belonging generated from our hearts and from the bodies of those around us both giving and receiving deeply.¹

Would you like this experience? Keep reading… I’ll be including ‘contact napping’ as part of my upcoming workshop series here in Bristol.

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I’m curious to hear from you in the comments:

Does cuddling with your buddies seem like even more of a good idea and will you try this out?

Or does cuddling still feel quite radical and would you appreciate the safe container of a workshop to delve into this experience?

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Announcements:

I’ve been asked about upcoming workshop dates.

I am delivering an Embodied Relating session at The Fox Den in London on the 1st September. You can find out more about that and book your ticket here.

And then after that I’ll be holding the following sessions in Bristol:

Saturday 14th October 3:30-9:30pm

Saturday 4th November 3:30-9:30pm

Saturday 9th December 3:30-9:30pm

Tickets will go live for these events within the next two weeks. In this newsletter you will be the first to know and you’ll have the opportunity to buy discounted tickets alongside a discount for a booking of all three.

Here’s a sneak peak of the fantastic venue with UNDER FLOOR HEATING!!!

I know, it’s going to be epic

Please share this email with anybody you think could do with more embodiment, who might want to come to a workshop, or who you feel will just love this vibe.

1. Here’s a funny little footnote. I’ve been approached by various people asking me to offer contact napping in other formats and in other spaces. I’ve also been asked if I could ‘train’ them in offering their own ‘contact napping’ sessions. Now, I’m not getting above or beyond myself here thinking that I’ve created the idea of a cuddle puddle - but there does seem to be a desire to dive deeply into this kind of embodiment work; and I feel that my training and life experience gives me good credibility to actually form some kind of training. I’m almost about to do it but I need your help - I want to explore the idea of my own ‘certified’ training programme complete with certificate and everything!

If you think this is a good idea, would be curious to be part of a FREE trial (of course you also get a certificate) then I’d LOVE to test this idea out. Please pop a comment in the comments section or vote in the poll expressing your curiosity.

Thanks! (even a few votes will tip the balance and I’ll feel sufficiently supported to take the next few steps)